last week i went to see the disappearance of eleanor rigby at the sunshine cinema for my birthday. it was a special screening so the actors james mcavoy and jessica chastain were there for a short q&a after the showing. anyhow, while i waited in line to be let in the theater i spent a lot of time thinking about the film - mostly predicting what it would be about and wondering why did any of the people there feel like watching this movie. i wanted to ask that, why are you here? and you, why did this film interest you? i mean its not even ‘officially’ in theaters so why make the trip? for me, i can remember the first time i saw the trailer, at that very moment i knew i wanted to see it. the story shown in the trailer it reminded me of something, of me, or something that could very possibly happen to me. eleanor scared me. my heart was, oh racing, i was thinking this could be me - i guess i wanted to see how it would turn out. if this is me, a version of me represented in this broken love story - how does it end?
then i learned about the limited release date, it was my bday - so i thought okay so this is what i’ll do for the special day. anyhow this is where i spoil it: the film is a love story in three parts. its a story of a couple who had magic, a beautiful love but they experienced an unimaginable and horrible loss which resulted in their falling away from each other… we find them in the aftermath of this as the characters are trying to re-find their ways. there will be three films released, three versions. her - where we see the female perspective, him - with the guy’s and of course them - this was the one i saw. so i knew this before watching and of course this was another aspect of it that i loved - so true to life! for in all situations we experience we have our perspectives, our own personal experiences and points of view. from each corner, each person involved can say who’s to blame, will remember things their way; her & him. but the truth is just one, though usually unclear, still fairly singular; them.
okay, so i did not love it. perhaps after i watch her & him. but from them i can say it is a great story, incredibly well acted, so raw, so honest. but kinda, uuuggghhh. but that doesn’t matter, it is still worth the watch. plus its incomplete so i shouldn’t judge yet. now to the reason i’m even writing about this… the first question the actors discussed was what the film was about: love or grief. they of course said both and had great responses for everything - i’m sure they’re are all on youtube… anyhow i was seating there and wondering why the film had reminded me of myself and if it still did. i have not at all experienced the events portrayed in the movie but can i relate? and fuck yes i could. i cant remember if it was mccavoy or chastain but one of them said that they learned in the preparation for their roles that couple who are often in the situation of their characters react in a certain way: the women lose their way, try to grief by ignoring that which sparks a memory of the past which often involves the husband - and the men become very protective and want to fix the problem, help the wife. they lose the ability to get back in balance. they begin to get lost in translation. and that was it.
for me the film is not about grief or some lovely/tragic love tale: its a story about how sometimes love is not enough. why? because we all feel differently… so you can love, love deeply and be in a beautiful place with your mate but that does not mean love will conquer all. shit happens. you could both or just one of you - lose something special, have something horrible happen, hurt, suffer, bleed, whatever…. feel so much pain that you are forced to become someone else. forced to become someone who can deal with whats happening, you change because if you don’t you will die. you’re adapting, changing skins, speaking different tongues. this is something we can ALL relate too. think of heart break, even a simple puppy love heart break - you may cry for that first crush, you may dream of them for months but the event of knowing them or just wanting them and losing them will alter your life forever. it will change how you treat others, how you want others to treat you, how you fall in love. shit happens and we change. the issue is this happens while we’re unaware, and as it goes we disappear.
in the film they lose something (a beautiful thing) and unaware of it - they change. they begin to do things for survival, things that are not understood by the other or even by themselves. eleanor begins to push conor - she feels she needs to, she feels she doesn’t know herself anymore. conor just wants to talk and fix things. but he doesn’t even have the words. they cant communicate, because old eleanor and old conor are gone so how do we talk now? we gotta learn things again, as strangers. and when this happens… can love be enough? can it heal us or at least help us find the way back to each other? love is great but sometimes its not enough.
we all feel differently. lucky are those who find themselves in love with people who allow them to feel differently. who understand - maybe because they’ve been there - ex. after this we might need to disappear from each other for a bit, get lost and found, again. and thats okay. - but that rare, its magic. that reminded me of myself. i am painfully aware of my faults and what they might cause in the future. i can be strong but when i break i go to pieces - and i push, disappear, get lost, hurt others. cuz i gotta. its how i feel. how i get better. of course its no excuse, i love you but i gotta leave you now… love is not enough there, it doesn’t excuse it. makes me think of that film “when a man loves a woman” that movie does an amazing job at representing this. how we all feel differently and the consequences of that - that often involve hurting ourselves, those we love due to massive misunderstanding… all while we’re trying to get back to some place good. once again.